You probably haven’t slept in weeks.
No doubt, you padded out to the newspaper tube before dawn every day in hopes that it would be there.
So, with no further ado, we present the first (and probably last) Northeast Superlatives, with apologies to Richland Northeast and Spring Valley high schools.
But remember, folks, these (at least, most of these) didn’t come from me. They came from your neighbors. And don’t bother calling to pry them out of me, because I am sworn to secrecy, and I will never reveal a secret, at least not without a sizeable deposit to my checking account (ho, ho, ho).
Drum roll, please.
* Wittiest: Doug Bridges and Amelia Cotty.
* Smartest: Nancy Gottlieb Reeves, a teacher at Forest Lake Elementary; Clemson Extension Director Jimmy Golden; Richland Two’s Dale Holden and Ted Cole, a retired biology and zoology professor.
* Best Looking: Daniel Canady, who works at the Northeast Post Office (“He looks like Clark Gable,” the nomination said); Sowell and Woodley’s Zan Sowell; Blythewood Mayor Linda Cork; and Distinctive Education Center’s Glenda Sternberg.
* Best Looking Couple: Hands down, Marion and Sylvia Hanna, who run the State Farm office on Decker Boulevard. (OK, OK, so that wasn’t an original category, but I’m entitled to make ’em up as we go along.)
* Best To Have On Your Side During Rezoning: Feisty Dottie Boatwright, of course. She was going to leave the Dent meeting for a minute there.
* Most Likely To Cause Traffic Backup on Two Notch Road: I initially meant this to be the slowpoke in the left lane whoMullen. But you all took it to mean flashy showstoppers.
So OK, with the category redefined, we have insurance mogul Bruce Smalley in his El Dorado convertible smoking a stogie. With a runner-up vote to whoever drives the DeLorean with the Gamecock bumper sticker. (To the DeLorean owner: please call me at 771-8507. I’d like to do a story on you!)
* Best All Around: High school principals Ben Nesbit and Ron Hill. (I’m no dummy.)
* Most Likely to Succeed: (In retrospect, I should have called this category Most Likely To Succeed John Hudgens. Ah, well . . .) It’s a tough call, but let’s go with two attorneys: Woodlands’ Darra Cothran and Briarcliffe’s Bill Simpson.
* Most Likely to Fail: You’re no dummies. No one suggested anyone for this category. At least not on the record.
* Nicest: This may take some time, but what the heck. Rabbi Sanford Marcus, the Rev. George Crow, orthodontist Ken Lagina, dentist Richard Boyd, Elgin town clerk Nettie Moak Campbell, Realtor Buddy Lewis, Deputy Ike Eisenhower, Councilman John Monroe, Jim Podell Realtors’ Anna Chason, Beverly Mayer (Ben Nesbit’s sidekick) and zoning guru Sid Thomas.
* Most Likely to Have New Middle School Named After Them: Melvin LeGrand, Rhett Jacobs, Joe Kelly and Heath Manning.
Manning Middle. I like it. The mascot could be a polo pony.
* Most School Spirit: Volunteers Bertha Pritchett, Carol Cobb and Karin Kurimcak.
* Finally, Most Athletic: Hands down, road runners Ray Krolewicz and Catherine Lempesis.
Jennifer Nicholson, Most Likely To Not Answer Her Phone This Morning, is your community editor. She can be reached at 771-8507 or tollfree from Lugoff- Elgin, 1-800-922-3448. Or write c/o The State, P.O. Box 1333, Columbia, 29202.